I have had to visit a "cozy" (aka crazy) little hospital called the Excel Center in Ft. Worth cuz I have gone a little bonkers in the chemistry and mind. So I'm about to pull all that together soon and should be out by the 12th or so. I had run down with some Psycosis and Major Depression, which hand and hand makes a clingy, obsessive person who is sad all the time. Medicine helps great. I finally have a smile on my face. The terrible bitting agony of Depression weighed on me the first time I went there. I had lost a considerable amount of weight (which was very good for me, but darn, I think I've gained it back, FATZO!) I was vomiting, sluggish, couldn't think, couldn't sleep, broke into fits of shivering, and altogether was down right miserable. The medicine has fixed me up well and therapy does some work as well. So things are starting to look brighter at the end of the tunnel finally.
It was not many months ago that my family and I were haggling with medicines and doctors to try and find out what the matter was with me. Nothing was working. I got worse and worse, until I spiraled out of control into a state that I couldn't function around my peers at school or do school work. I got sick and was a hypochondriac all after that. I worried and was so nervous constantly after that, I shivered all the time. Vomited when I tried to eat stuff too. And It started with an obsession over a boy. A friend that I wanted to be more than just a friend. I wanted him as a boyfriend too. He was not at all willing. He said no, and I couldn't get over the rejection. I followed him, stalked him, tried to kiss him and so many other things to try and make him like me. Still he refused. I was hurt, hurt deeply by this. I thought he was the one, because he just seemed so perfect, so sweet and a real man that I could spend the rest of my life with.......and he says no......'sniff'......he said no....and he continued to look me directly in the face with those gorgeous steel blue green eyes and tell me he's not the one......'sniff'...........no..........Its hard for me to take "no" for an anwser, especially from someone who has witnessed to me and introduced me so tenderly to Jesus the great romance! Fine........I said.....fine........you are not the one......that's what I will say........we will agree on terms to be good friends.....nothing ELSE.....just good friends that can be forever friends rather than a boyfriend and girlfriend that wil fizzle out in a few months......that is the best way to go.......he would make a better friend than a boyfriend anyways. He's too much of a jerk and hes so skinny. I could break him in half with my hug alone. heh heh. Well done.
So I'm worried about finals that either I'll have to take, or I am exempt from or I won't have to cause of my illness. I have gallons to study for and I don't even know if any of it will retain! Most of it falls out! Which so TOTALLY SUCKS BRAINS!! REALLY! But other wise I'm great with playing games all the time, chillin out, and just enjoying myself. It gets kinda boring though, but I HATE THE STRESS of the study. I stress up really hard on myself to do all the work! ITS TOUGH WORK! Thats about it.